So... I was holding on for dear life... to this guy
I’ve got him from the side, in side-guard if you will, while we’re both standing up. I’ve got my right hand around his chest and up under his arms and I’ve wrapped it around and grabbed a pole with both hands. So, I’ve got this guy pretty jammed up, he’s not moving and I’m not even squeezing that hard. I start saying “hey man, be cool, be cool, I don’t wanna fight you, just be cool”, but he is going nuts and fighting to get out and get after Nick. But he isn’t trying to hit me. In the mean time, the hot chick (who I might add, is the starter of this whole thing because of her being a Skinny Rich Hot White Girl) is freaking out and has run to the very back of the train.
There are only 4 people on the train at this point, Me, Nick, Hot Chick, Butter Bean, and some College student who was passed out in the front of the train at the beginning of the fight. This is when the most cowardly train driver known to man decides to get involved. The train driver is like 50 with gray hair and a bushy mustache like some kinda Russian circus ring leader. He’s got big glasses and he keeps repeating throughout the entire ordeal “aww geez” almost like that voice of the turtle in Rocko's Modern Life. So he comes back to the middle of the train and he starts telling me to just let him go so I start to ease up, but then Butterbean starts to try and bite my arm and then he takes off after Nick.
Sometime right before this the college kid has woken up and is stumbling back to figure out what is going on, right as Nick is running past him to the front of the train and Butter bean is hot on his tails. So the bleary-eyed college kid kinda clotheslines butterbean and just tries to keep him down. Meanwhile, I’m having flashbacks of being punched in the face at Jason’s Party and I run up and am like “I’m here brother, I got you, I got you” like me and the college kid are sharing salads or something. And so me and the college kid are keeping him down and Butter Bean is En-Raged, getting madder by the second. Meanwhile the “Aw Geez”’in train driver is like “just let him up and he will get off the train” so we eventually let the guy up and he runs after Nick out the train.
Nick played lacrosse in California before moving out here to work for the Red Sox as an intern, so needless to say, he has some moves. Nick throws down a sweeeeet double deek swoop-dooper and scoots back on the bus with Butter Bean left in the dust outside the train. So now we’re yelling at the driver, “Close the door, close the door” but this guy is like “I can’t do that” and he stands at the top of the stairs trying to do what I can only think of as Jedi Mind Tricks… “You will get off the train…”, “These are not the boys you are mad at…” and all the mean while this guy is looking right at me now all cross-eyed and drooling going “I’m gonna kill you… Then I’m gonna kill you…” looking over to Nick and the college kid like all of a sudden were on WWE Monday Night Raw or something. Then he hocks a big loogey in the Cowardly Jedi-Master train drivers face who then ducks outta the way so frickin butter bean has a nice path to bull rush at Nick and I.
I start thinking about my youth... specifically the Karate Lessons I started to get tired of and never finished...
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